How To Overcome the Feeling of Falling Behind as Your Friends ‘Adult’ More Successfully

Therapy often involves individuals longing for the carefree days of youth. They may express sentiments like:

• “While my friends are settling into successful careers and relationships, I feel stuck in my younger years.”
• “Ever since graduating college, I’ve felt lost. It’s like my only skill was being a student, and now I struggle with the complexities of the real world.”
• “As a stay-at-home parent, I’m overwhelmed by the responsibilities and bills, wishing I could return to the blissful days of my youth.”

We all experience varying levels of “age inertia,” a desire to hold onto simpler times and familiar roles as we establish new responsibilities in our lives.

This phenomenon is particularly common among young adults in their 20s. Let’s consider it from their perspective.

Until recently, these individuals likely operated under certain expectations imposed by their parents, universities, or society. They had a clear path to follow, regardless of whether they agreed with it. However, adulthood replaces this clarity with ambiguity. They may seek answers from peers, only to feel like everyone else is transitioning effortlessly except for them.

If you frequently feel anxious about becoming an adult, it’s likely because you perceive this ambiguity as entirely negative. This perception contributes to the problem. A 2018 study published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry found that as children grow older, they tend to interpret ambiguous situations as negative experiences, leading to increased anxiety.

So, how can we reframe this ambiguity and make the most of our transition into adulthood with all its real-world responsibilities?

1. Embrace the Concept of Anti-Perfectionism

Achieving a perfect score on a test or being a straight-A student throughout your academic career is possible. However, understanding that the pursuit of perfection is flawed will better equip you to tackle the challenges of adulthood, where doing a task “well enough” is sufficient.

Consider a scenario where you’re preparing a homemade dinner for friends. Due to time, skill, and budget constraints, it may not be feasible to create an elaborate five-course meal. Instead, focus on making a simple but delicious one-pot dish that satisfies your guests. It may not be “perfect” in the sense of fine dining, but it’s more than adequate to achieve the goal of enjoying a meal and the company of friends.

Scientific research shows that striving for perfection can have two negative outcomes:

1. Depression: A 2021 study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology found that perfectionists are more prone to depression compared to those who are willing to accept imperfections. This applies whether the demand for perfection comes from oneself or from society. Surprisingly, the study also discovered that feeling pressured to be perfect by society can contribute to depressive symptoms.
2. Loneliness and Isolation: Perfectionism often accompanies unrealistic expectations that can drive people away. Perfectionists may display their abilities in a self-centered manner, which negatively impacts their social life. Alternatively, they may choose to avoid events or situations that highlight their weaknesses.

It’s vital to step back from the incessant pursuit of perfection. While adulthood may initially seem to follow a strict timeline, try to zoom out and appreciate the bigger picture. This brings us to the next point:

2. Embrace Your Unique Pace of Life

Life isn’t like a classroom where the path is clearly structured with defined goals and a set timeline. Yes, this can be daunting because there’s no roadmap for progressing to the next stage. However, that’s precisely what makes being an adult so amazing: there’s no standardized roadmap to follow.

For instance, suppose you have a friend who is getting married, having kids, and shopping at the farmer’s market. Observing their life choices, you may feel pressured to do the same. It’s important to recognize that everyone is on their own journey, and not all milestones are the same.

Striking a balance between short-term happiness and long-term goals is an excellent strategy for dealing with moments when it seems like everyone else is “adulting” more successfully. Once you find a balance that works for you, you can draw inspiration from your peers’ lifestyle changes without necessarily replicating them.

Conclusion

Adulthood is a natural progression, and it’s important not to overthink it. However, if the new responsibilities make you anxious, seeking professional help can be wise. When you reframe your attitude toward ambiguity, you’ll discover that adulthood can be an exciting and fulfilling phase of life.

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