Ending draining friendships can be complicated, but ultimately rewarding.
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A recent study published in Personality and Individual Differences delves into the complexities of ending unwanted friendships and highlights that these relationships can be more intricate and enduring than the dissolution of romantic partnerships.
Psychologist Menelaos Apostolou, from the University of Nicosia in Cyprus, Greece, argues that terminating unwanted friendships might be necessary for one’s happiness and well-being.
“Having a strong network of friends is crucial for leading a happy and fulfilling life, which motivated me to examine the phenomenon of friendship,” Apostolou explains. “Given that the number of friends a person can have is limited, by ending friendships with individuals who are not true friends, people make space in their network for potential meaningful connections.”
While we often evaluate the qualities we desire in romantic partners, we may neglect to assess the quality of our friendships. However, maintaining unfulfilling or draining friendships can lead to dissatisfaction and the deterioration of the bond.
“People generally seek friends who are supportive, possess positive traits like humor, share similarities, contribute socially, and are available,” Apostolou says. “When individuals realize that their friends do not meet these criteria, they become motivated to end the friendship.”
A friendship becomes problematic when one member consistently fails to reciprocate the resources invested by the other over an extended period of time. The study suggests that “ending a low-quality friendship would enable individuals to reduce the investment of resources that would not be reciprocated and create room in their social network for friends who possess desirable qualities.”
Therefore, if there is a friend in your life who consistently neglects your needs, targets your vulnerabilities, or relies on you financially without reciprocation, considering cutting them off may be a rational response. According to the study, it is a matter of allocating your emotional and material resources for the mutual benefit of both parties.
Apostolou’s study aimed to identify the strategies people employ to end friendships through open-ended questionnaires and subsequent statistical analysis. The study found that individuals typically adopt one of two strategies to dissolve friendships they no longer consider essential:
- Gradual termination: Slowly distancing oneself from an undesirable friendship until the bond fades away.
- Immediate termination: Cutting off the friend directly and abruptly upon realizing that the friendship is detrimental.
These two categories emerged after grouping together seven sub-strategies that emerged from the statistical analysis, including avoiding spending time with the friend, having a conversation, becoming more formal in discussions, communicating unpleasantly, making excuses to avoid the friend, gradually withdrawing from the friendship, and ghosting.
“In general, people tend to prefer the gradual termination strategy,” says Apostolou. “This may be because it is less likely to create negative feelings and provoke retaliation. However, the choice of strategy depends on various factors such as personality or the specific situation. For instance, if a friend sleeps with your significant other, immediate termination would likely be the chosen strategy.”
For those contemplating ending a friendship, Apostolou advises taking time to assess the relationship, providing second chances, empathizing with the friend, and reflecting on one’s own behavior before rushing to terminate the friendship.
Conclusion
Friends who support you through difficult times are invaluable. However, it is important to consider whether maintaining a friendship feels like a burden. After making multiple attempts to restore balance, it may be better to let go of a friendship that only drains you.
A full interview with Dr. Menelaos Apostolou can be found here: Here’s why people choose to break certain friendships
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Jessica Irvine is a tech enthusiast specializing in gadgets. From smart home devices to cutting-edge electronics, Jessica explores the world of consumer tech, offering readers comprehensive reviews, hands-on experiences, and expert insights into the coolest and most innovative gadgets on the market.
