In the year 1998, Carrie Bradshaw experienced an encounter that would change the course of her life. A stranger caused her belongings, including makeup and condoms, to scatter across a bustling Manhattan street. A dark-haired businessman graciously assisted her by retrieving and returning these items with a smile and a glint in his eyes. Little did Carrie know, this man, known as Mr. Big, would become a significant figure in her life for the next twenty years.
Mr. Big, whose real name is John, had a fear of emotional intimacy, leading Carrie to only know him by his alias. Despite the toxic nature of their on-again-off-again relationship, Carrie and Mr. Big eventually found a skewed version of happiness together. Many fans of Sex and the City were captivated by Mr. Big’s elusive charm, but in reality, he was a narcissist. Narcissists possess the ability to charm, entertain, and draw others to them, as demonstrated by Mr. Big’s interactions with women at a bar in Season 1. Carrie, curious and slightly envious, observed from afar, unknowingly fueling his ego.
Their first date set the tone for their relationship, with sex preceding their dinner plans. They quickly fell into an all-consuming, passionate dynamic that isolated Carrie from her friends. This phase, known as “love-bombing”, is common when dating a narcissist. They sweep their partner off their feet, showering them with love and attention. Unfortunately, it is unsustainable. While Mr. Big love-bombed Carrie, she fell madly in love with him. However, when she desired a deeper commitment, he was unable to reciprocate, leaving her heartbroken.
Despite the breakup, Carrie and Mr. Big repeatedly crossed paths. These encounters, seemingly insignificant, were fueled by Mr. Big’s narcissistic desire for Carrie’s loyalty. Carrie still placed Mr. Big on a pedestal, providing him with the attention he craved by accepting breadcrumbs of his affection. This pattern allowed narcissists to maintain control over their victims, fueling their sense of entitlement and preventing full commitment to anyone.
Carrie’s friends, Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte, were skeptical of her friendship with Mr. Big post-breakup. Despite Carrie’s assurances that she could handle it, she entered into a second relationship with him after a chance meeting during a bowling game. However, dating a narcissist often follows a predictable path. The narcissist convinces their partner that they have changed, but it is a lie. Carrie became increasingly anxious and strived for perfection in Mr. Big’s presence, fearing abandonment. The relationship became an extension of her personality, causing friction with her friends.
Eventually, Mr. Big’s fear of commitment led to their second breakup. He announced a sudden move to Paris for work, leaving Carrie blaming herself for falling into the same destructive cycle. In a surprising turn of events, Mr. Big became engaged to Natasha, a much younger woman. Carrie was blindsided, discovering that Mr. Big desired what he couldn’t have. While Mr. Big embarked on his marriage, Carrie began dating Aidan, a man considered by many to be too good for her.
However, Mr. Big became threatened by Carrie’s relationship with Aidan, despite being a newlywed. He set out to sabotage their relationship, as narcissists seek to derive satisfaction from their victim’s misery. Carrie became entangled in Mr. Big’s tactics, succumbing to his advances after he left her ambiguous voicemails. Their affair highlighted the toxic nature of their connection. Carrie, in a seemingly healthy relationship with Aidan, chose the unattainable Mr. Big, who had labeled her as non-marriage material. This behavior, known as hoovering, occurs when a narcissist feels their victim slipping away.
Ultimately, the affair ended disastrously, causing pain for Natasha, Aidan, and Carrie. Carrie ended her involvement with Mr. Big, grappling with deep-seated feelings of heartache and regret.
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Khushi Patel is a science fiction author who lives in Austin, Texas. She has published three novels, and her work has been praised for its originality and imagination. Khushi is a graduate of Rice University, and she has worked as a software engineer. She is a member of the Science Fiction Writers of America, and her books have been nominated for several awards.
