Page reveals that he has long contemplated writing a book, but it is only after undergoing top surgery to achieve a more masculine physique that he finally feels comfortable in his own body and ready to take on the task. His story is especially timely given the increasing violence and hostility faced by transgender individuals. Page hopes that by sharing his experiences, he can help dispel misconceptions about queer and trans life.
From as early as age four, Page knew deep down that he was not a girl. One of his earliest memories as Ellen was attempting to urinate standing up, emulating boys. He questioned his mother, asking if he could be a boy. He fought to keep his hair short and felt uncomfortable wearing dresses.
Page recounts his upbringing in Halifax, Canada, where his parents divorced when he was young. In school, he developed crushes on girls and became the target of bullying, being labeled a lesbian. After the success of the film Juno, rumors about his sexual orientation began to circulate in the media. Additionally, there was pressure from Hollywood to hide his queer identity for the sake of his career. Emotionally, he struggled with his body, engaging in self-destructive behaviors such as self-harm and disordered eating.
In 2014, Page publicly came out as gay during a youth conference held by the Human Rights Campaign, a prominent LGBTQ organization in the US. He no longer wanted to live in secrecy and deception. According to Page, this was a pivotal and healing moment in his life. While acknowledging that his journey was not yet complete, he had made significant strides forward.
Throughout his book, Page bravely shares the vivid and painful details of his experiences. In one chapter titled “Famous A**hole at Party,” he recounts an incident where a well-known A-list actor claimed that being gay did not exist and threatened to sexually assault Page to prove it. Although Page does not reveal the actor’s identity, there were witnesses at the event. A few days later, when Page confronted the actor about his comments, he denied having any issue with gay individuals, to which Page replied, “I think you might.”
Page believes that these encounters illustrate the struggles faced by transgender individuals. Society often invalidates their identities, dismissing them as mentally ill or equating their experiences with deformities experimented on by Nazis. According to Page, it is not transgender people who are sick, but rather the society that fosters such hatred.
The book also delves into Page’s marriage to dancer Emma Portner and their subsequent divorce, which occurred shortly after Page came out as a transgender man named Elliot. In December 2020, Page announced on social media that he preferred the masculine pronouns “he” and the gender-neutral “they.” Embracing his transgender identity was a long and arduous journey, culminating in the decision to love himself.
Page pulls no punches in describing the details of his gender-affirming surgeries, including breast removal and the physical recovery. He also shares the happiness he felt when he saw a photo of himself wearing nothing but red swimming trunks, scars still visible on his upper body. This photo, which he shared on Instagram in May 2021, represents a moment of pride and joy as he embraces his true self.
In conclusion, Page’s book is a testament to the journey of self-discovery, overcoming obstacles, shame, hopelessness, and pain. It is a story of transformation and growth that he never thought possible.
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Khushi Patel is a science fiction author who lives in Austin, Texas. She has published three novels, and her work has been praised for its originality and imagination. Khushi is a graduate of Rice University, and she has worked as a software engineer. She is a member of the Science Fiction Writers of America, and her books have been nominated for several awards.
