Miski Omar: the 10 funniest things I have ever seen (on the internet) | Culture

I experience existential dread in three situations. The first is when I meet people. “Fat penguin,” I blurt out. It breaks the ice. The second situation is someone asking me to list the 10 funniest things I’ve seen on the internet. The third is realising that, by 2030, climate change will be irreversible and that more than 1m species face extinction. Which means the fat penguin won’t be the only one breaking the ice, if it even lives to do so.

But that doesn’t matter right now. What does matter is compiling content that loops endlessly in my head. So here’s me addressing existential dread No 2. Enjoy.

1. Notice me senpai, notice me!

You say “To be or not to be”, I say “I do hope his eyes gaze upon me and that my allegiance is recognised. Notice me senpai, notice meeee.” This monologue is better than anything Shakespeare could conjure up. Also, if you’re looking to write sci-fi dialogue this is an incredible reference.

2. Who takes their baby to a mosh pit?

They say it takes a village to raise a child and all these strangers toiled to get this child to THE Flo Rida. I have so many questions, like: why was the baby in the mosh to begin with? Why didn’t it know the words? What is its passage back? I can’t believe this random baby ticked off one of my bucket list goals before I did.

3. Triumph skating academy dance class

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When this showed up on my Explore page I rejoiced. Here we see what appears to be a dancing instructor teaching a group of kids a routine to the Weeknd’s Starboy. It’s not very good: the kids can barely keep up, the instructor resembles a sea creature and the caption says it’s a jazz class?! I reckon he should collaborate with Renata Bliss ASAP. I was dismayed to see the comments were disabled.

4. Helen of Troy – Horrible Histories

You’re accustomed to seeing period dramas, even those set in Greece, with characters speaking in a standard British accent. But what if it were a more modern London one, akin to Ali G?

“Helen, you’re well fit, yeah? Your face could launch a ‘fousand ships, yeah.” This changed my life when I was 11. Shoutout Horrible Histories!

5. Jamaican Jehovah’s Witnesses

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The Bible written in Jamaican Patois. Need I say more? Give it a watch if you want to know “uu rili a kanchuol dis ya worl ya”: who really controls this world.

6. Live dinosaur sighting in Edmonton

Trolling is the first commandment of what it is to be Somali, and this video perfectly captures it – from the infectious giggling to the description of a live dinosaur sighting on national TV, the shoutouts, the gang signs. If you ever wondered what I would do if I were on the news, it’s this.

7. Ant and Seb on the X Factor

This video reminds me of when your mum says your sister has to take you with her when she goes out. But you end up slowly sipping your Hungry Jack’s red Fanta, which you refilled while watching your sister and her friends ignore you in the Westfield food court. It’s Shaggy-esque, out of time, with misplaced ad-libs. I used these ad-libs with no context for months and I’d like to take this moment to apologise to all my friends.

8. Who else see a leprechaun say yeah!

A city in Alabama had a leprechaun sighting and everything about it is comedic gold. From the amateur sketch that resembles more of an acorn drawn from memory than a leprechaun to the pandemonium about potential treasures with people exclaiming: “Where the GOLD at!”

And then there’s the man with an ancient flute passed down in his family for centuries, apparently used for tracking down leprechauns – an early internet troll, perhaps one of the earliest I encountered.

9. Westerners episode three

Here’s a dose of suburban humour from a short series on ABC iView that I had the pleasure of working on called Westerners. It’s a surrealist comedy-drama that follows three young adults originally from Sydney’s western suburbs. They navigate life, family dynamics and the absurdities of the world around them.

Linked is the episode I directed and wrote on – could it be just a personal cry for help? You’ll have to watch and see! And please don’t ask me about my marriage plans. West is best!

10. Take You to the Movies

Bangs is our Soulja Boy. A South Sudanese rapper hailing from Melbourne, his song Take You to the Movies was a viral hit in 2010. It was my gospel and my brother and I still quote it today. The PowerPoint presentation visuals! A visionary, truly. Bangs, if you see this, let’s talk business.

• Miski Omar is a speech pathologist, writer and director from Sydney. Watch her episode of the ABC iView series Westerners on YouTube.