Exploring the Psychological Research on the Choice Between Love and Money in Marriage

We often consider money as a problematic factor that contaminates the essence of love. Simultaneously, love might be deemed as a naïve, delusional state that has no place in mature discussions about finances.

However, the fact remains that both money and love are integral aspects of our lives, and therefore they need to coexist harmoniously.

If you feel uncomfortable having a conversation about money with your partner, or are caught in a situation that forces you to choose between the two, here are three scientifically-backed tips that can help you.

#1. Play the long game

Recent research published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology suggests that when faced with the decision between a partner who has the ability to benefit you financially and one who is willing to benefit you through cooperation, trustworthiness, and generosity, it is better to choose the latter for long-term success.

A relationship is not a job interview where one can merely excel their way into it. As another study found, warmth is a much rarer quality than competence, and therefore of greater long-term value.

This is not to say that your partner’s financial situation should be disregarded. It is acceptable to inquire about their bank balance. However, placing wealth and status as the most significant priority can obscure the essential things like the person’s character.

“When someone is tempted to associate with people who are wealthy and famous, they might want to reflect on the long-term consequences,” explains researcher Nathan Dhaliwal of the University of British Columbia. “Instead, it might pay off to build connections with those who have demonstrated a keen interest in being loyal and trustworthy.”

#2. Love is the real investment

According to a study published in The British Journal of Social Psychology, focusing on your partner’s finances or power as a means to reach your goals gradually reduces their humanity. The researchers refer to this perspective as an ‘instrumental view.’

This implies that your partner becomes a means to an end. Joining forces with your partner financially to accomplish a goal can be a brilliant and ultimately rewarding decision. However, you must prevent your relationship from becoming entirely utilitarian. In other words, if you base the foundation of your relationship on socioeconomic climbing, turning it into true love might be challenging. Utilitarian relationships tend to be short-lived, as one person cannot be useful to another forever.

#3. Happiness pays dividends

Would you rather live an affluent life with someone you have lukewarm feelings for or face challenges with someone who brings out the best in you? A study published in Personality and Individual Differences suggests that the question is flawed. It operates under the false assumption that money leads to happiness. What the study found was a strong correlation between positive emotions and wealth creation.

Choosing a wealthy partner without suitable compatibility can result in low relationship satisfaction, poorer quality of life, and frequent negative emotions. Choosing a partner with whom you enjoy spending time and even admire can fill your life with joy and a sense of purpose. Therefore, being in a happy relationship, where both partners elicit positive emotions for each other, can motivate you to generate wealth together as a team.

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