Ugh, How Many More Zelda Movie Rumors Do I Have To Entertain?

Highlights

• The recent rumor about a Legend of Zelda adaptation, if true, could let us finally see a Zelda movie.
• Universal Studios has the power and potential to successfully adapt another Nintendo franchise, like they did with Super Mario Bros.

It’s not the first time we’ve caught wind of a Legend of Zelda adaptation rumor, and it won’t be the last. Remember that little Netflix hoax last year? Yeah. But something about reputable leaker MyTimeToShineHello’s recent bomb-drop about a Nintendo and Universal collaboration seems different. If there’s even a sliver of truth to this anonymous insider’s prophecy, could we finally be at the onset of an actual Zelda flick?

Moreover, what would that even look like?

First, let’s bring into question MyTimeToShineHello’s accuracy and disclosures in general. Their Instagram is a flurry of claims ranging from a Red Dead Redemption 3 in the works, to Andy not being featured in Toy Story 5, to Hugh Jackson’s participation in Avengers: Secret Wars as Wolverine. Quite an impressive display of industry divulgence, especially considering that not once do they ever reveal their sources, which is grounds alone to question each dubious entry. However, as a self-proclaimed “private investigator” and with a surprisingly solid track record (at least for the MCU) to boot, this Zelda post holds water, for the time being.

Now, taking MTTSH’s proclamation with an entire Chilean salt mine, this is Universal Studios we’re talking about here. Anyone who was a kid/still a kid at heart knows the power and potency these film giants wield. Hell, just go to any Universal Studio theme park and you’ll come out 10 years younger (and hundreds of dollars poorer). It’s the home of household names like E.T, Jurassic Park, the Mummy, Minions, and most relevantly, the latest Super Mario Bros. Movie.

So, are we suggesting that due to the success of one Nintendo franchise that Universal can just gobble up another? Possibly. But here’s the thing: what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another. Sure, the SMBM is still raking in cash and has grossed more than $1.3 billion dollars in global revenue, (way more than its disappointing 1993 iteration), but that’s Mario, and of course it did! It was crisp, funny, nostalgic, and entertaining all at once, especially with Jack Black’s scene chewing on and off-screen. The Legend of Zelda series is not like Mario and was never intended to be. There’s a heaviness to Zelda games that Mario titles clearly avoid, and that’s what’s always made them such mouth-watering fodder for a potential feature film or series. That being said, don’t think Nintendo hasn’t already tried.

RELATED: Why Tears Of The Kingdom Speedrunners Are Duplicating Frogs

Ever given the animated 1989 Legend of Zelda TV show a shot? If not, please do. In fact, just open a new tab and check it out on YouTube ASAP. It’s…awfully good, in the literal sense. Created after Nintendo’s eponymous debut, The Legend of Zelda, and the 1988 sequel Zelda II: The Adventure of Link, thirteen episodes featuring Link, Zelda, Ganon, and a fairy named Sprite were lumped into the Super Mario Bros. Super Show programming as a kind of 16-minute “bonus”. The best part of the show is really the portrayal of Link. Instead of a silent, earnest bastion of justice, here he’s a mouthy, horny teen with a bag full of puns that he dispenses often. In fact, his two catchphrases seem to be either “Exc-UUUUUU-se me, Princess!”, or “Oh boy, smoochie time!” Eesh.

Furthermore, a Zelda script can’t simply be cobbled together all willy-nilly. There are a multitude of moving parts to consider, not least the “official” LoZ timeline found in Dark Horse Comic’s The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Historia. The Zelda series is as wide and diverse as the terrain of Hyrule itself, with games ranging from the most excellent and open-world of Tears of the Kingdom, to the more cartoonish aesthetic of Wind Waker. Choosing the right game and storyline will be absolutely…paramount (insert movie studio joke here).

There are plenty of Reddit rabbit-holes you could wander down for more on this, but for me, I’d stake my DualShockers career on a movie based off of storylines from Ocarina of Time, Majora’s Mask, Twilight Princess, Breath of the Wild, Tears of the Kingdom, or, you know, some ungodly hybrid. Not only are these particular games subjectively some of my favorites, but they also contain elements that can be translated well on the big screen, with the darkest of the five being Majora’s Mask and Twilight Princess. Who wouldn’t want to see Link in his wolf form move between two dimensions, or experience the sheer mortal dread of the moon about to collapse on Termina? In order to convey that specific mood, Nintendo will probably need to ditch Illumination on this one.

In my perfect Zelda flick, I want a Link who talks sparingly, almost like Mad Max, and a princess who doesn’t necessarily need help. I want high stakes and bloody, brutal fights against Ganon and bokoblins that are reminiscent of Game of Thrones, or at least Universal’s re-make of Robin Hood. In other words, I want something entirely different from the kid-friendly eye-candy that was the Mario movie. No winking, no jokes, no jabs. More DC, less MCU. Surely the same studio that brought us Jaws and Oppenheimer can side-step the low-hanging fruit of easy laughs and cheap thrills for an experience worthy of this epic series.

Once again, I’ve spent way too much time hypothesizing about what may turn out to a wild Hylian goose chase, but at least I’m not the only one giving credence to an Internet soothsayer. And if they’re right about this one, it will indeed be MyTimeToShineHello’s time to shine. Fingers crossed here, Universal!

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