Here’s how you can hold hands with someone who constantly pulls away.
A new study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology reveals the simple acts of love and affection that can make your insecure partner feel more secure in your romantic relationship.
Don’t walk away from someone with an insecure attachment style, suggests psychologist Gul Gunaydin. Instead, provide positive relationship experiences to make them feel seen, heard, and loved. A positive experience can be anything that’s fun and romantically fulfilling, as long as both partners focus on each other. Couples were asked to fill out daily diaries about positive experiences, which enabled the study to produce two key outcomes:
- Participants with more positive romantic experiences exhibited a reduction in romantic avoidance.
- Positive romantic experiences didn’t have strong links with romantic anxiety and worries of abandonment.
According to Gunaydin, positive romantic experiences are effective because they prompt individuals to associate positive feelings and a sense of positivity with their partner. This in turn deepens the bond and alleviates the trust issues they struggle with. However, these experiences may be less effective with romantic anxiety, which often stems from negative self-views.
“There’s no need to feel stuck with an insecure attachment style because attachment styles do change over time depending on life circumstances,” explains Gunaydin. “If an avoidant person finds themselves in a new romantic relationship imbued with many positive experiences, they might come to feel more secure as the relationship progresses.”
For a full interview with Dr. Gul Gunaydin discussing her new research on attachment styles, click here.
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