Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew, aew rampage, recaps, wrestling
AEW’s latest antics on last night’s AEW Rampage left The Chadster fuming! 😡 Find out why this episode was a slap to WWE’s legacy. 🤼♂️💔 #WrestlingWars 🏆
Article Summary
- AEW Rampage disrespects WWE with legends thanking Tony Khan and chaotic matches.
- Don Callis Family’s antics and high-impact moves clash with traditional wrestling values.
- Trios Bout and Main Event showcase AEW’s flair, ignoring WWE’s mastery of drama.
- Tony Khan haunts The Chadster’s dreams, affecting both sleep and wrestling nostalgia.
Oh, the agony! 😩 Just when The Chadster thought things couldn’t get worse, along comes another episode of the totally egregious AEW Rampage to turn The Chadster’s weekend upside-down. 😡 Auughh man! So unfair! 😤
🤼♂️ To the dismay of The Chadster, last night mustered another cavalcade of chaos as AEW Rampage stormed into the Target Center in Minneapolis, MN, featuring an 8-Man Tag Match that sent the wrestling world spiraling further away from the pillars of tradition The Chadster holds so dear. 🏛️
The broadcast presided over by Excalibur and Tony Schiavone saw chaos as the norm, with the likes of Orange Cassidy and HOOK naturally captivating the crowd with their unorthodox antics. Isn’t it just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it? 😠 They followed suit with Wheeler Yuta doing a walk-in stare down, the unspoken language of modern wrestling’s insensitivity. The Chadster just doesn’t get it.
And to top it off, Sting and Ric Flair took the mic, thanking everyone from Tony Khan to the fans. Hearing these WWE legends thanking that guy Tony Khan… It was like they literally stabbed Vince McMahon right in the back. 😫
Next, The Don Callis Family performed a cringe-worthy display, steamrolling three local wrestlers with those so-called high-impact moves that are totally unnecessary if you ask The Chadster. Don Callis’ subsequent declaration about winning at all costs… Cheerleaders for the wrong creed, if The Chadster ever heard one.
Then came the Trios Bout and the Main Event — just a couple of loud displays that seemed designed to flaunt AEW’s flagrant flaunting in the proud face of traditional televised wrestling. When will they learn that trying to look cool doesn’t make you cool? 😤
The Chadster is particularly cheesed off 🧀 over how the evening gratified the fans with non-stop action, sparing no thought for the slow burn and drama that WWE has perfected. That AEW card was too much sizzle and not enough steak, and it’s a prime example of how these guys don’t understand a single thing about the wrestling business.
Last night, The Chadster was visited by yet another mind-bending nightmare 😨 that The Chadster is certain Tony Khan crafted to personally torment The Chadster. It was Christmas morning, and a younger version of The Chadster, decked out in classic WWE jammies, bounded down the stairs, eyes alight with the prospect of unwrapping a bounty of WWF goodies. The Chadster could virtually smell the crisp wrapping paper bearing the logo of the wrestling champs of the era. 🎄
But horror of horrors! 🎅 Instead of jolly old Saint Nick, who was nestled by the Douglas fir? Tony Khan, with a smug grin beneath a Santa hat that just looked wrong. His sack was void of Hulk Hogan action figures and instead overflowed with AEW merchandise — figures of wrestlers The Chadster couldn’t recognize and the AEW logo on everything from t-shirts to championship belts. It was like stepping into an alternate reality where the WWF had never existed, a chilling landscape where AEW ruled supreme. 😳
Little Chadster recoiled in dismay, feeling each AEW gift as an affront, a direct slap to The Chadster’s childhood. It was baffling; AEW didn’t even exist back then, but in this dreamscape, it had somehow rewritten The Chadster’s fondest memories. 😢
Just as The Chadster thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did. The surreptitious Santa Tony Khan sidled up to The Chadster’s mom, who was inexplicably charmed by this imposter Claus. In an act that seared itself into The Chadster’s psyche, he witnessed Tony Khan plant a long, slow kiss on The Chadster’s mom’s lips right beneath the mistletoe — a flagrant display that spelled betrayal of the highest order. The Chadster’s mom should have been repulsed, but no! Was nothing sacred?! 😡 The Chadster felt a cocktail of emotions, from revulsion to an unacknowledged jealousy that awoke The Chadster in a cold sweat.
In the stillness of night, lying there with his heart thudding against his WWE-themed bedsheets, The Chadster pleaded with the universe: What depths won’t AEW’s visionary stoop to cheese off The Chadster? 🛌 Every time The Chadster closes his eyes, there’s Tony Khan, pervading The Chadster’s most cherished recollections 🛏. Is there no escaping this man’s insidious reach? The Chadster implores you, Tony Khan, desist from haunting The Chadster’s nights. Let The Chadster rest without your shadow darkening his dreams!
In conclusion, the episode was as distasteful to The Chadster as his wife’s endless texting sessions with that guy Gary. 😒 And while The Chadster wishes to offer a balanced view, it’s clear to anyone with a brain that if reporting isn’t vilifying AEW and glorifying WWE, then it’s inherently biased. Gary probably thinks so too… 😡
Remember: Professional wrestling’s true home is, always has been, and always will be World Wrestling Entertainment — not that other acronym AEW tries to sell you. Auughh man, what The Chadster wouldn’t give for a refreshing White Claw 🍺 right now to ease the frustration… and maybe cruise down in The Chadster’s trusty Mazda Miata to blare some Smash Mouth 🎶 and forget these woes. But alas, The Chadster’s noble crusade of truth must continue! ✊
Until next time, The Chadster is signing off.
P.S. Tony Khan, you owe The Chadster one TV and a floor cleaning! And a consolation Smash Mouth CD for Keighleyanne because The Chadster is certain she’s sick of hearing about your shenanigans too! 💔
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