Probably just avoid the internet for a couple of days if you don’t want Destiny 2 The Final Shape spoiled

Did I ever tell you about the time I was smuggling pears and USB-C cords through the Spanish Main? Was during the great USB-C shortage of 1687, you see. Apple had just released their new electric barnacle scrubber, and sailors everywhere were trading sacks of freshly minted coins just for a solitary sweet sniff at one of the delightfully compact and sleekly designed charger cables. Of course, too-many-toes Jackson and myself had seen tell of this upcoming gold rush, written in crab trails on the sand, which is what we had instead of the stock market in them days.

Sensing a gold opportunity to opportunistically make some gold – which, as pirates, we were quite fond of – we stocked up on those tangly devils like they were going out of fashion. Which, of course, they had been for a bit. But, as the crabs foretold, the new-fangled USB-D failed to catch on, and the age of the C’s was back in full swing. There was seven prototype designs back then. The seven Cs, we called ‘em. Anyway, we grabbed ’em all. Also, we grabbed some pears, in case we got hungry.

We were just sailing into port to offload our haul, when we began to realise we were sinking right into the Spanish Main. We probably could have saved the cargo, but we spent quite a long time trying to Google to see whether the Spanish Main was actually technically a body of water. I still don’t know, and I don’t care. Weren’t you listening? We were sinking! We just managed to get to shore when we realised what the problem was. In our haste to leave harbour, we’d made a classic mistake. A mistake that has spelt disaster for many before and many to come…

Forgot to check for leaks, didn’t we?

Anyway, the moral of this story is to make sure your game’s anticipated DLC isn’t playable days before official launch. The extra, bonus moral is that there’s only so many news stories I can write in one day before devolving into absolute bollocks. PSA, then: don’t go online for a few days if you’re sensitive to spoilers for Destiny 2’s The Final Shape expansion. Some PS5 players have been able to access the DLC early through Sony’s cloud gaming, and they’ve gone and bloody posted it everywhere. Do keep checking RPS though, natch.